Dear rvh. I suffered cptsd, ptsd, cen, and anxiety disorder. Starting with cptsd from birth. Canada environment and ways harsh on hsp. Like they were on jews I feel, or like they are on gays or blacks even. No one is innocent from this. I have learned. From my stay at rvh. I have helped my community so much, before going there. Saw so much suffering and pain. Watched so many die from drugs that are meant for good. To mask suffering. Well. When you love someone. Than find she had to mask her suffering with something the hospital precibes and have to burry her. I thought loving the addict was hard. I’ve done so much for alanon and programs to do that. Cause I wanted to know why people behave this way. Well. There suffering. I had to burry the one I loved. Yes I learned what love the addict was that day. Not that this was what I needed. Only to end up with another one who was suffering. I thought I was strong enough. Well. It was in real bad environment. Almost got killed actually. From people she chose to bring into her life. I got another dose of cptsd. Eventually. The mind games. Hard to explain. Narcism. Well. If already have these conditions. A doctor that says I’ll help you out after looking at you odsp form. You than get odsp before ever seeing him. Your enitial visit was in hallway, cause he had to be somewhere. No. He looked at me and form and said I’m going to help you out. Than writes paranoid schizophrenia on the form and commits. You listen to all this cause your desperate and take that mind altering drug. For twenty years. Anything can happen. So I have cptsd fit from things that never got dealt with cause Dr Mulder at rvh don’t care. He says I have to fix that myself. So after cptsd fit. 911 is called. I’m on my way to hospital like Dr Mulder asked. But it was during covid, and did not want to over run the hospital. Anyways. Police officer says. No you are not going to hospital. Punches me in the face even. Cause I try to stop him from punching me. I get charged with assult peace officer with weapon somehow. Cause I didn’t drop my keys somehow, and he says I tried to stabb him. Then says I assulted fiance with weapon. When all I did was break some things in cptsd fit and want to go to hospital. All that for a medical emergency. Yet they refused to let me have this to. Which is illegal. Mayor tells them to drop charges. But they don’t care. He knew i was taking more than I could handle. Trying to save a women from her addiction. With cerebal palsy, bells palsy and erbs palsy we learn. But can walk. Anyways. They leave me homeless. Say I can’t even get my car. I go to hospital. Couple of times. But the treatment is so poor I leave. The people. Then I go again. By then I have lost my voice. I use my therapist on phone. To speak for me. She witness how evil secretary’s are in inpatient department. As I made my way up there cause someone moved barrier in pharmacy, and thats how I usually get up there. They send me to triage. But refuse to accomadate me however they can. I can’t speak. Triage refuses to let therapist speak for me. Or take a written note even and I’ve been hurt by people so much. I can’t speak to them. If you have been oppressed long enough. This happens. Just wanted to talk to my doctor only. They would not have this. Also it was like twilight zone. How cruel people were. Guess when you party and think about yourself only and do what you want only but don’t practice good like go to church. All your life. Doing that. Build your life around that. Not help a lady down the stairs from a wheel chair. To a meeting that has been beaten into it. Or opening a door for someone in a wheelchair when you were a volunteer outreach, and she runs over your feet in this electric wheel chair but doesn’t stop or hold the alivator for you. She has to get to meeting. Then smiles at you cause you don’t say anything. Rather try to figure it it out still. Yet she can’t speak even. Is in pain and can see the big picture. That kind of practicing good. I did not see that type of motivation, spirit. I got people void of empathy. Like the walking dead. Like the ones on Vancouver streets. Hunched over, high. Adleast there trying to feel. Those in hospital. Don’t have that even. Sure. You can talk to someone there. But you might as well talk to a tree. I’m hsp. I’m wired to emotions. I know when someone is connected to there’s or not. I than was made to speak. Than the phychiatrist and social worker. Dr. Mulder apprentice. I forgot her name. She goes off on me. I tell her not to be abusive even. Well. I did not want to talk for a reason. Only wanted to speak to my doctor. Any way I had of dealing with things was thrown out the window by the treatment and way they wanted to do there care. Like not allowing me to have my phychiatrist. By humiliating me. When asking to talk. Oh. We don’t have time. Which was the hole time I was there. Previous. They put you in room with someone who could be drug addict. Practicing chaos all his life. Can’t help that. I felt so alone. Never once did I get to really talk with someone. Cause after that. I was so exhausted and couldn’t focus. Anyways. She was being so cruel to me. I can’t remember all the stuff that happened. Like the stuff they wrote. Even doctor Mulder. He would write stuff that was out of this world. Never even about what we talked about for example. Like there in some other parallel universe. Like twilight zone. So this stuff bothers me. Anyways. She said your being discharged. Cause she was angry at me. I told her to stop. She didn’t care. I was suicidal. I was homeless. So I called 911 even twice to stop what was coming. Cleaner saw me crying. Normally I’m strong. Been around so much and have to live in masculine dominating environment. Canada. Which is said to be the worst place for hsp. Anyways. Then she sends security to bully me and pretends she had no knowledge of it. In her report. I let them bully me. But after getting bullied for my hole life it seemed. I snap. Scare the he’ll out of him. Anyways. Cleaner even yells. You had this coming. So I don’t die after behaving this way and there all on top of me which I feel, is really what they wanted. Then police destroyed my life some more. Already lost my savings. From what was done before and wasn’t dealt with. Anyways. They send me I a secure area. With real crazies. But. That did not bother me. What bother me, cause the phychiatrist laughed about what she had did. Cause I said. Your fired. That was funny to her. What wasn’t funny. Was that the nerses. One that was cold already. I watch how things manifested. The atmosphere. People really. All because of that laugh. Than that nerse was real cruel. Said don’t use phone to call 911 even and then got funny at the end. Through my things down. Then got security to frisk me. That was weired. They saw that I put pencil in my sock in camera I think. Cause we had no pockets. And I like to write everything down. Anyways. Something was happening as I was being released. Even well suicidal, cause they didn’t care about that. Which is another thing which was killing me inside about the way they were. Security then takes me out to back doors. Then pushes me back from going into hallway, outside camera view. For ten minutes trys to get me me to fight them. Calling me every name and saying any evil thing they know about me. What they learned from my stay there. I was going to put my phone on record. But it only had 1 % power. Cause I was expecting this. From their behavoiur. Anyways. I told myself already before I even saw security I would not react in any way. Even told a patient. Somethings going on. I’m not going to to react in any way. Told him that. I made friends in there easily. I was not alone in this thought. That there is little empathy and compassion and people there do next to nothing that help anyone there. Considering how much help is needed I guess. It’s not enough just to be there, and if they do something one day. That’s fine. It’s a win. But does little. Cause the cram there heads with education and get the job and are there. What does that really do. When you ask to speak to someone. They don’t have the time. Yet hide in a glass room all day. Joke around. They don’t get invovled. Like I was, and don’t get payed. I can’t even even get diagnosed properly. I opened cptsd support group. Only one in canada. Out of cptsd foundation in USA. Cause I have to get help outside my country. Well. Doctors there sent a girl to my group. Her lungs were going to fail. Her bodies shutting down. Two doctors blaming this on cptsd. She never had a boyfriend. Well. Everyone’s trying to talk. I tell her a love story. About all the emotions that were invovled. Each one. And how they tried to help someone. But couldn’t. Everyone was clapping. This was a story about a girlfriend. How I tried to figure her out. Not about the ones I could not save. They were happy. But this girl was going to die. That kind care. Caring. 😢 I don’t think she made it. That’s how seroius cptsd it. When I was in hospital. I needed someone to care like that. No one came. I will not ask for help now. I collapse sometimes. It’s like thse people that were starving I this other country. Dieing. Crying, yelling. But there government never gave a shit. All this education. When used to help someone that is crying and suffering. But you don’t hear them. I think that’s what’s wrong. That no one cares. But I can’t allow that to happen. What rvh did to me was wrong. I lost my voice for a reason. I got it back. But I pray I don’t loose it again. Cause I’m scared to go back to rvh. Like that girl was. Who was suffering the same thing as me. For being hsp. What ever was written was wrong. If I wrote something bad. That upset them. Or anyone. I was hurting. Being made masculine. When I’m not. Or do I know how to be hsp. But I’m trying. Through hard conditions. Like when I always followed my grandfather in dream this morning. The he grabbed a chicken. Put it on a block and had an axe from knowwhere. Dropped the chicken in front of me with no head. It chased me. Then I made it back to him after all that. He drops another. Next thing I try to be with my grandmother instead. She’s taking feathers of and teaches me how to clean them. But from inside out. This almost destroyed me this morning. Hsp cannot handle lack of empathy and emotion in people. Let alone. Something like that. When already having cptsd at birth, cen. Anyways. If the made housing free and or food adleast. Maybe people would get it back. Government can print what they want. Why not make basics a human right. They say it is anyways. Stupid politicians. More housing. Just saying stuff that doesn’t help, cause it’s what the people want. What does that ever do. They can send us to war. They will to. So why not actually do something for once. For good. Not just talking stuff. Bluffs for the public. Not real things. Sorry. I have a bit of adhd. Yes. I’d like an appauligy from the hospital. Not from complaint department. I mean from that doctor. Those guards. I may of lost it. I called 911 when I got away from those guards. But they didn’t care. So not that kind of service neither. Not the kind of service from oipdr even after mayor, which is the voice for the public, says drop the charges, but oipdr says it’s not in public interest for them to discipline those officers. So rather when there’s a medical emergency after giving up on hospitals already. For good reason. Negligence and law breaking. Destroying my education that my university was going to pay for. To be a phychologist because they saw something in me. When they don’t normally do this. I worked hard for that even when I was going through he’ll. Now I don’t think I want to anymore. Because I can do it without them. Cause there’s so much suffering. Anywas. Would like an appaulogy. There’s other stories I have about hospitals. I will not get into all that. Mainly just those stories. I would like an apaulogy. My therapist would like one to. She’s mad how I cannot get a diagnoses about what is fact. Not what these others are selling and can’t even get one. Mad I have no Healthcare and have to go somewhere else for it, yet this country is payed billions for it. Or when I am told I can get tax credit. The doctor has to fill out form. But wants money. When healthcare is supposed to be free. When government puts money out there and lawyers make there living on them. When the money’s for us, not them. Was sick. Then other barrier. Doctors put up. To charge for the form to fill out. Charge disabled people a fee. It’s got to stop. This evil. I called police. They gave them shit. So doctor fires me. Now I have no doctor. He even goes further to call other doctors near by, not to take me. That’s what I was told. That kind of evil. I’m tired. Would like an appauligy. If people don’t practice good anymore. Who is going to look after disabled people. Worlds getting colder